THE FATHER'S HEART THROUGH A MOTHER'S EYES- EXPERIENCING GOD'S LOVE FOR ME THROUGH MY OWN HEART OF LOVE FOR MY CHILDREN...
The Romance of a Child:
My oldest son, Emerson, has for reasons the Lord and I and a few others perhaps know, is a piece of my heart I cannot explain. I don’t love him more than my other children, but something is different in the way I see him. The way I can see him. I feel him differently, like I can feel his own feelings even when he isn’t with me and it’s an amazing comfort, but sometimes, a genuine, gut-wrenching pain. Sometimes, somewhere in the day when he is away at school, I can feel something wrong, some sadness, some feeling of insecurity or rejection and I can’t tell where it’s coming from. He will almost always tell me later of some event that wounded his heart that day, at that time, at school. I’ve learned to trust it.
He was a gift to me in a time when I thought I’d likely not smile again. Ever. I mean that. I fell so low at one point in my life that the thought of anything bringing me joy ever again felt foreign and abstract. Especially something that not only would bring me joy but would also give my life purpose and meaning and, dare I say it, LOVE, a safely exchanged back and forth kind of love was beyond me when it happened, and to this day, still catches me off guard. He is tucked in a different pocket as I walk about my days and my life. I can’t change it or apologize for it. God gifted him at the time HE chose, and I simply responded by taking one more breath. I have always – since having kids – seen my ultimate goal as keeping them taking one more breath, both physically and spiritually (when you really break it down)…but Emerson did this for me. Or, God through Emerson, did this for me. That’s the truth.
The funny part is that this gift my son has given to me seems to continue on and on, taking new form and shape as the years go by. Right now, it is in the way this child romances his own Mother, and looks like this:
There is NEVER a time that he comes to me from school, from the park with his Daddy, from being with his grandparents, even an hour at church- on any front, there is never a time that he comes from anywhere, having been apart from me for any length of time, without some version of a gift for me. They can be tiny little gifts- “treasures” he calls them…all the way to a bouquet of flowers.
The point is, he brings something to present to me. And he does it for 3 reasons that I can detect: 1. To express his own love to/for me 2. to tell me he has remembered me while we were parted and 3. to simply delight me. My Son has caught my attention- and this week, I believe has been used by the Lord Jesus to call me out in regards to my own “Romancing- (active)” of my Father and Savior….
It occurs to me only now, in having been so blessed by being the recipient of such expressions of adoration, that I am not only a Mom and a Wife. I am a child of God, too. And one matured enough to not simply wait for the Lord to forever be pouring His own gifts of love upon me…..though He does…..but to BE the Child who Romances My Maker. No matter what I have to ‘do’ today. Or any day.
Do you ever feel like simply a ‘means to an end’ for your children? They are hungry? Thirsty. Need something up high? They got in a fight with a sibling, have a job they need help with, something they are afraid of……and this is the sole reason they are even standing before you at the moment they are? They have a need. They know YOU are the ultimate means to satisfying that need. And thus, they come to you. Do you think God ever feels this way? Do you think he ever feels it from you? THIS is what is bothering me. I think He does feel that from me. I get caught up in what is, after all, our correct roles, right? I’m the child. He’s my Father. I’m the weak and needy one. He is the Creator of the Universe. I am confused and conflicted by the world or people or my own emotions while HE is omniscient, immoveable and knows me and my heart better than I do, myself. HE is MY resource!
Does He NEED my gifts? Does He NEED to know He’s remembered? Does He NEED to be delighted? After all, HE IS GOD! OF course He doesn’t NEED…..but would His heart blossom a little to get them anyway? I mean, yes, He can supply all this for Himself, surrounding Himself with angelic hosts. Building in a choir around His own thrown to sing His praises… He knows His own Greatness! Better than we do! After all, we can relate a bit, yes? A tad?
As Moms, we KNOW all that we do for our kids. Things they’ll never even suspect. We know all we do behind the scenes to make their lives full and happy. To meet their needs, sometimes needs they don’t even know they have- or know how to ask for. We know our capability to love them, to care for them, to BE what they need- more than any other human being on the planet…but doesn’t it feel nice to get a flower???? From tiny hands? From a heart so genuine, there’s no request following? From a child in love with you? Isn’t it sweet, especially when it’s NOT the normal roles? You- the giver. They- the nest of baby birds, open-mouthed every moment, awaiting YOUR next provision?
And have we, from time to time, STUCK our tender Jesus in a role we feel no need to let him free of? Have we become open-mouthed baby birds, just awaiting HIS love, HIS aid, HIS help, HIS provision…only?
Yes, He asked us to trust in his exactly that way. He did ask us to look to Him first. To call on His name and see Him for all the magnificence that accompanies the CREATOR. But didn’t He also choose to make us? And to NOT make us robots? To give us a choice in relationship to Him? To CHOOSE to love Him or not???? Has our Father not made His own heart vulnerable in doing so?
But wouldn’t He love to feel the way Em makes ME feel? Loved? Cherished? Remembered. Never put away. Delighted? Doesn’t my Father long to feel these things too? After all, I’m not only called to love my children, but “The Lord my God,” and that – first.
I’m thinking this week, I may be needing to follow my son’s example. Perhaps in my flurry of caretaking those beneath my eye level, I’ve forgotten to practice A CHILD’S ROMANCE.
It’s simple really.
Emerson does this as an expression of love. A love gesture. An out-reach. And while that is flattering enough, what’s more- he offers it in MY area of greatest possible reception. My ‘love language’- if you will. He brings me things that he knows I would love, not just things anyone should. He brings me tiny things. He brings me flowers. He brings me pink things. He brings me sparkly things. He KNOWS me. Emerson has watched me over the years, the things I gravitate towards. The gifts I’ve been given by his father and my own mother, mostly, things about which people who know me would say, “That is sooooo Leanne!” He KNOWS me. A gift in itself. He’s cared enough to make sure of it, and doesn’t give me things anymore that just anyone would like. But rather, things that I, his Mommy, a person of my own, would LOVE.
Emerson does this to give me a message: that he remembered me. While we were apart, he remembered me. He stuffs his pockets all day long- in the classroom, lunchroom, on the playground, even the cafeteria. Anywhere, really. He sees something, thinks of me and gathers it among his other ‘treasures’. In this way, he doesn’t actually leave my presence or simply forget me when we’re apart UNTIL he sees me again. I am in his heart, and it is evidenced by a collection of pink sparkly stickers, sequins, a few flowers, some young girl’s lost-but-lovely hair ribbon, even glitter glued to a bit of artwork.
Emerson loves to delight ME. This is not for his gain, except that it gives him joy to see ME delighted. He hands me his ‘treasures’ when he gets in the car each afternoon and just watches- waits for my smile- waits for the kiss to come his way. He longs to see me flattered, to see me blush, to watch me FEEL loved. He doesn’t ask what I’ve brought him. This is enough.
As I can see it, this love/romance of his-ours is good for him, too. He is learning about his role as a man, mimicking his Daddy’s actions and learning to be genuine with his heart- not to mention the obvious...(It’s awesome for me!!!! But, even better for his future wife.) He is learning how to write his own love song, for someone ELSE.
But can you, can I transpose this song? Or have we gotten out of ‘shape’- comfortable in our roles as we go about ‘doing everything for everyone’ and simply NEEDING God to assist us in doing so? Have we, anywhere along the way, forgotten to remember that we too, like children, have amazing capacity to bring joy to our own Father’s heart???? I think I may be guilty of this. I get consumed. I start to see God as the ultimate resource for me to make it through the day! And HE IS this, but He is so much more. Isn’t He?
Isn’t He lovely? Isn’t He wonderful? Isn’t He deserving of my praise AND adoration AND expressions of love? Isn’t He humble and gentle and affected by MY affections? Isn’t HE carrying a heart that longs for the love of HIS children, too?
WHAT IF– We romanced God? What if we showed Him that we DO KNOW HIM. What pleases Him. The kinds of things, behaviors and words that HE loves. What if we did the things HE loves? Read His Word? Spoke and listened to Him? Acted out His commandments? Treated one another the way He’s asked us to? What if we brought to HIM the sacrifice HE loves- praise? What if we offered genuine expressions of our love to Him daily, without all the requests to follow?
WHAT IF- We remembered God? All through the day, I mean. What if, when we got busy, and ‘left’ His presence, we still kept Him alive in our hearts and gathered evidences of this all day long? What if we didn’t just start the day touching base, then check out until our chores were done and our heads were about to hit the pillow, or dinner time came and we remembered to pray again? What if we dipped in and out of seeing Him everywhere, and gathered up the little stones of rememberance- chalking up lists of His goodness to present Him with when next we were able to sit for a moment and ‘see His face’????
WHAT IF- We only longed to delight HIM? What if we brought to Him the gifts of selflessness? What if our aim was to watch for HIS smile? To try to make HIM blush? To offer to Him the praises that would flatter even the God of all Creation? How would HE feel then? How would WE feel? As good as Emerson, maybe?
If so, I want that. Emerson literally GLOWS on the drive home from his own ROMANCING. He is a changed boy. It’s as if loving on ME, changes HIM. I swear, for a few minutes of time, he is not seeing my resources. He is seeing ME, and he’s changed for it. He could walk on air. And so could I.
For one single moment in time, our relationship is all new. Revived. No matter how tired I am or how tired he is, we are both new for a suspended segment of time. No matter our normal roles, giver and receiver…in this moment, we are Switched around transformed.
For a magical bit of time, we are both IN this love- and all because of the Romance of a Child.
