I.
Gabriel has spent the last 4 weeks of both our lives tipping and teetering the orbit of things around here. This tipping and teetering phenomenon isn’t unusual for Gaby, per say (as many of you who know him KNOW)…but it isn’t generally in this direction.
Ladies, he has cleared year 4 and by all evidences, we are heading UP!
Let me tell you what I mean.
Lately, Gaby has taken to intensely expressing his love and adoration for me. He can't sit on my lap for me to tie his shoe, stand in front of me looking up while I do his hair- even emerge from the downstairs each morning to come greet me in the morning without it being a fully-engaged, eye-to-eye, and often hands slapped to both sides of my cheeks to be sure my eyes don't wander ...offering. That genuinely seems the right word: An offering of love. Like a prayer, in fact. I'll elaborate later...
I've been a Mom long enough now to know that it could be any number of factors:
1. It could simply be his age. Maybe turning 4 has impacted him to a greater degree than it did my other boys.
2. It could be his growing awareness of the boy/girl thing, venturing into those waters where I am the ultimate 'trial' ground.
3.It may be that he’s sensing that the new baby is coming soon, and he's feeling the need to be closer to me than usual... (Generally speaking, however, the boys have tended to become clingy when a new baby was to arrive, keeping the death-grip on me, trying to absorb from me in their rivaly against this unseen competition- It has NOT typically been a stance of GIVING TO me.)
4. Or possibly, he has reached a maturity level wherein he’s discovered that he is able to express his own feelings by himself and is enjoying.
I think it fair to say it could be a bit of all four, but I’m strongly led to believe it is predominantly the latter. I am of the pursuation that Gabriel has reached some sort of milestone in his developement wherein he finds it liberating to be able to put words to his feelings and competently express those feelings now in both word AND deed.
He will come to me from nowhere- find me anywhere in the house and simply hold his hands up. But he is not asking to be held. He is asking me to meet him on his level. As soon as I bend down, squat (and pray to keep my balance these days....) he will immediately tell me repetitively, "Mommy, I love you soooooo much," and follow it with hands on my cheeks and a little red lips-blossom, puckered up and ready for at least 10, AT LEAST 10 precious and intentional kisses. There have been times I've actually signalled Aaron for help! I'm being attacked, mauled...(though in the best way possible!) As we speak, in fact, he is kissing my elbow...as I type. Why? I don't know- but it's getting wet.
II.
And this goes on day in and day out lately. If I'm on the couch doing laundry, cooking dinner, cleaning a bathroom, even out in the garage sorting......he can find me. And to be honest, it's taken some adjustment on my part. I keep expecting him to NEED something from me. To be looking for something I have. To be tattling on someone and summoning my referee skills...something of that variety- wherein I am the great pool of resources and he is simply in need of one of them...
But, the longer this persists, the more I am relaxing into the revelation that perhaps Gabriel has simply matured to a degree that has set me off guard, but set him- free. His love being handed out this uninhibited seems to fuel in him the desire to do it again, and do it again! And I can expect now, on any given day, that at least 4-5 times, I will be enraptured by those little reflective, sparkling eyes beckoning me down to his level. I will be grasped by those teeny little arms launching around me their most fierce attempt at entrapment, and presented those absolutely perfect rosebud lips adorning me with petals enough to last the day through- and leave me drifting about with a sweeter fragrance than before....
It is a blessing to me. A surprise blessing.
But it's more. In many ways, Gaby has been the child through whom God has been able to speak many of his messages most clearly to me. He's been such a challenge, in the midst of his loveliness, that I've either been begging the Lord for an answer- "What do I do with this kid???" or....less comfortably, seeing in him the very reflection of me. I am unable, it seems to NOT see my own self as a child before the Lord:
Pushing it to the limit.
Not asking for what I want, just throwing a fit after not getting it. Or a mean pity party.
Testing the limitations of when I'll get a warning vs. when I'll actually get spanked.
Resisting when asked...
Demanding instead of using my 'manners'...
Stubbornly taking the time-out before saying 'I'm sorry'
And on and on and on... and in light of that, Gaby has been, as he continues to be, a mighty tool in God's hand as He continues the arduous work of 'shaping' me.
So, this new adventure with Gaby has brought to my mind a concept I may not have heeded before... and I can’t help but think of my own maturity.
Even as Mothers, I can't overlook in this one: Our own maturity in the Lord and the stages we go through- stages we are meant to move through as we grow spiritually from being babies needing only "milk" in the Faith into strong and steadfast women, who know how to stand in our place and fulfill what He's asked of us- leaning then upon and taking in the "solid food".
See Hebrews 5:12-14
"12 In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! 13 Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14 But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil."
I am reminded that we are to ADVANCE, as Gabriel is advancing, in his maturity- so we are to move from milk to solid food- but that it is possible to revert...... and to get comfortable there, stuck there in the comfort of suckling our faith along rather than continuing to pump iron for sake of our faith muscles!
After all, we never intend to get stuck, as grown adults, as women, as mothers of our own children, in a place where we still NEED His attention constantly lavished upon us to encourage us in baby steps forward, but sometimes we do. We stop moving at some point, maybe after some pain, some wound comes our way, some disillusionment with the WAY we thought God would or should handle on of our many crises... and we clutch the ground He's claimed for us...sit down upon it with our arms crossed and demand that if we are to move an inch farther into uncharted territory, He is going to need to SHOW us that land and be soley responsible for giving us the cheerleading and security- require zero to little faith FROM us, as well as maintain that security- and this, even after we've known Him well enough and long enough that we ought to be able and willing to stand on unstable ground, uncomfortable perhaps, but steadfast nonetheless, in peaceful stoicism. No matter the terrain. That is maturity.
III.
That is called maturity.
Not having to have HIM constantly court US, reveal His love as real and true to US, unremittingly woo US and prove His devotion, never mind that He's already done this once and for all in the ultimate act of allegiance on the cross. He will not, even having done this for us, leave us in that infantile place where He must remain a one-diminsional God, mainly a pool of resources into which we tap upon each awareness of a need.
After all He knew us when we were yet in the womb (Psalm 139). He KNOWS our needs better than we do (Matt 6:7-8). He even meets our needs before we're aware enough to ask for them! "For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." (Matthew 6:25-33 NKJV)
Let's remember that though it sounds strange at first, it isn’t actually necessary for us to pray to God to let Him know who we are or what we need - He can read the heart like an open book. He already knows what we need before we ask, and has therefore set all things that are needful into motion to achieve our highest good. That is what we can count on when we reach the stage of taking in "solid food".
We pray, to acknowledge our connection with Him. To confess, so to speak, that He is who He says He is and can do what He says He can and will do. We take Him at His word, by praying, recognizing Him as God in all circumstances- happy or sad. And we stand upon it.
We pray to attest to the fact that, even if we are asking for something, in need...that He is capable of meeting that need, and believing that in His goodness, He is will.
We pray because it connects us to God and opens our eyes to the fact that we’re not alone. We pray because it encourages us to acknowledge God as our refuge and strength–a very present help in trouble. (Psalms 46:1)
And dare I say it, we pray to reciprocate. To GIVE TO Him. An offering of love. (Is this sounding familiar?)
As baby Christians, he woos and cradles us. He gives us milk to take in as nourishment, a strong sense of comfort and love and security we may not have known before. But as we grow, as we do of our own children, doesn’t God expect of us a maturity level that yields s stance of giving back….to others, to our families, our children, the body……..and to HIM?
This is challenging me this week…
I wonder, am I lavishing my affections in my prayers? Am I verbalizing (even if silently in my heart) my adoration of Him? Am I, figuratively speaking, taking his face in my hands and kissing and kissing and kissing his cheeks or His proverbial 'elbows' and repeating my “I love you’s” until my breath runs out? Am I ascending new heights of maturity in my faith? Heights the lead me to GIVE TO HIM? My love? My affection? My heart of love in word AND deed? Am I being like Gaby? Using my (perhaps for some of us, newfound) maturity level to USE my skills of faith to LOVE my Father?
Or am I like usual, assuming my maturity relates to being thirty-semething, responsible for more than ever before, knee deep in laundry, dishes, tripping over children (literally) as I try to move about my duties?
Am I acknowledging that in my walk, I am not only called to be a Mother, but also a child who can finally and without inhibition match my heart for my Father with my expression?
Am I taking even a bit of time to let the world stop, so I can pull my Jesus close to me and REQUIRE of Him ONLY that he LET ME GIVE my love to Him?
I’ll bet He’d stop, arrested by His child's adoration, much faster than I do…… After all, it's his little child trying to love on him.
And how goooooooooood does THAT feel?
No comments:
Post a Comment